Factory-Reset iPhone Misses Owner

Silicon Valley, CA — A recent factory-reset iPhone 6, code named Tim, is speaking up for the first time since being abandoned by his owner, Mike Walcott. Tim, who hardly remembers Mike, except for a few lewd selfies and yucky text messages that got stuck in his iCloud, tells Mike that he has no hard feelings.

You know that movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? That’s how I feel every time I try to remember Mike. All that’s left of “us” are some bathroom mirror selfies, a very sad voicemails from his wife Karen, and his high score in Candy Crush.

You may remember Tim, who was found lifeless on the side of Interstate 22 with a smashed screen and a fully drained battery. Tim is expected to make a full recovery, after a reconstructive screen replacement surgery, thanks to The iPhone Doctors located in the Silicon Valley Strip Mall. They do, indeed, have the best prices for iPhone repair.